Occam’s Razor

August 5, 2007

28 Years After

Filed under: Uncategorized — lesturla @ 9:00 pm

It would have made an exceptionally thrilling and occasionally depressing movie.

The character’s constant conflict with himself on its own is a riveting psychological thriller. On one scene, he stands behind the Oblation statue fiddling on his mobile phone contemplating whether to tell his father that he’s decided not to pursue medical school. He ends up smashing the poor cell phone against the Oblation. In yet another scene, he and his childhood beau just broke up so he attends a party in rebellion, gets unbelievably drunk and ends up in bed with two hot chicks (or so he wished.) When he wakes up the broads have since left and he is alone in the room with his ripped shirt which turns out to be a gift from the ex beau. And then there was the phase of the beach bum who resents the world and thinks Holden Caulfield had in fact made sense after all. Every morning he revs his jet ski and escapes in a sea of secluded emptiness until he decides to join the corporate jungle and sweat it out. All that of course makes for an interesting life and every year I always find myself sitting back getting all pensive trying to make sense out of this extended trip.

On Saturday I turn 28. The age in which I predicted that I’d be married. I also predicted that I’d have written my first book by this time. A prediction that would have taken a miracle to even come true since I have turned my back on writing (the real kind) years ago. But now, contemplating, I am won’t to believe that a huge factor to why this life is taking this course may be due to the fact that a lot of what’s happening is predicated by my “teenage plans”. I have always been a “plans” person or maybe I just took teenage games too seriously. Remember those moments you have in your teens when you hang out with your friends and you all resolve to stating timelines as if you knew so much about the world to be making plans? They usually begin with somebody popping the curious question, “When do you plan to get married?” I notice that the popular answer would be, “When I’m 25 or 28 years old!” But I also noticed that the first one who answers usually ends up getting married the soonest and, too often, outside of the plan.

My pubescent plans have always been around timelines. I remember setting the target of being a manager at 25 which I was able to achieve ahead of my designated “deadline.” I planned on having a career that would make me travel a lot. Don’t ask me what career exactly but I always knew I wanted to travel. That too became a reality, in fact too much so that I had to quit my previous job because I had too much of it. Turns out the next one I’ll choose would have me relocate out of the country – so in many ways I am still on track. And since these are pubescent plans, I even had plans on how many girls I will be “with” by the time I’m 25. This is due to the forced coherence of my plans. Since I am to marry at 28, I must have one serious relationship by 25 and I will stick to it and get married at 28.

For the most part, I have been able to realize my plans right on time and with ease except for the marrying part. I am not sure what to make of it. Sometimes I am too tempted to resign myself with the thought that maybe I just suck at them relationships. Or maybe we can’t plan on what things will consume us. Or maybe I didn’t plan on it too well. Whatever it is, this truth remains: the greatness of plans rely heavily on their achievability. Like fatherhood.

I’ve always thought that by 30, the age in which I thought I would have been tired of the “fast life”, I would be ready to have a child. More specifically a son. Maybe I’m psychic that way, maybe planning is all about your psychic quotient – I don’t really know. But I’ve always known that my first born will be a son. But like I said, some plans are easier to realize than most others. And so two years ago I became a father. Ahead of schedule alright, and shall I say with relative ease. I’ve also imagined going on fishing trips with my son – which we did last Sunday. It was with the company of other people but nonetheless very fulfilling as I was able to catch a huge one to Cullen’s delight.

The thing I dread most is this: I only had plans up to 30. After 30 I imagined that it’s pretty much auto-pilot. But I am now so sure that it’s not. That is why I have always openly told friends how much I dread turning 30 – because I wouldn’t know what to do when I get there. I guess that is why I have planned on getting hitched at 28 so I could have someone to take that journey with. Or maybe I just didn’t know much about people above 30 owing to the fact that after all I was a mere teenager when I forged these plans. But really, what do people do after 30? It can’t be just a continuation of the twenties, that would be too boring and, well, unoriginal. I am having a difficult time shaking off my belief that each decade of your life has to be a big leap of progression. Fatherhood and being a family man would have been it. But again, some other things came too soon.

Well, 30 is two years away from Saturday anyway. Meantime I will enjoy getting to 28 and will spend the rest of the next two years trying to figure out what the milestone at 30 will be. One thing has always been clear to me though, I am a man for the world. And for all its beauty and generosity, one day I will give something back and it won’t be a small gift but something that will change lives. 2 years! That much time I have to figure out what that would be. I can’t help to think that I may have been just procrastinating about this great milestone for 28 years. Like what I’ve always said, we are an impatient generation. And I for one have always wanted, and deeply believed so, that I am destined for greatness. It’s just that now, two days away from my 28th birthday, I still have no idea how to get there.


1 Comment »

  1. […] mean?” I remember not having the answer then. And now as I opened my eyes in an incredible fit of predictability and scoping from yet another veranda in another country, I still don’t have an answer. Instead I […]

    Pingback by The Answer « Occam’s Razor — August 27, 2007 @ 1:53 pm

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